you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
