I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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