I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
