I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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