Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
