My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
