My sheets look like a crime scene.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
