I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
