RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
