Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
