A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
