so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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