he looks like a really good dad on facebook
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
