Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
