she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
