I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
