Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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