somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
