people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
