There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
