but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
