i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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