a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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