Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
