the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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