Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
