Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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