ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
