if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
