I saw his package. It spoke to me.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
So many bounce houses so little time
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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