This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
