I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
