saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
