i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
