Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
