he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
