I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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