So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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