oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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