i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
