omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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