I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My vagina is officially offended.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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