And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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