i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
