Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
