You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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