This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
