i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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