I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
