I CAN MOONWALK!
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
