I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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