so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
