In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
